Толстый шотландский юмор
Dec. 21st, 2023 09:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kot_kamЯ уже писал про шотландскую рассылку с толстым шотландским юмором. https://kot-kam.livejournal.com/3754420.html Продолжаю писать.
Одна из особенностей этой группы - то, что практически весь юмор там текстовый. Взять картинку - не обязательно смешную, можно вот эту, - и придумать развесистый прогон. А потом еще до кучи накидать несколько комментов, которые иной раз смешнее самого текста.
A lot of people don't know this, but the gloves you buy in the shops are ALL grown naturally on wooden gates and fences in Scotland. They're actually an extremely rare type of mushroom which grows exclusively in Scotland's climate, which turn into a cloth texture when mature. The various colours and patterns depend on what type of wood they develop on, and the different sizes are grown in assorted areas. The smaller gloves are grown further north and the larger ones nearer the Borders. The ones pictured are Perthshire Gloves, known for their colour and slightly worn appearance.
Или вот так:
This is the most complete surviving skeleton of a race of fierce creatures which once roamed freely in the Scottish Highlands, known as the Saintaurrs.
Legend has it they were descended from a Scotchman named Hippo McFetlock, who was banished from his clan for questionable behaviour and went to live in the hills with his trusty mare, Mons Meg.
Whatever the truth of their origin, they lived amongst the bonny banks and braes for centuries, until their numbers sadly declined in the 1700's. This was partly due to habitat loss, but also hunting, owing to a short-lived Papal edict mistakenly classifying them as fish and therefore able to be eaten on Fridays.
Eventually the few who remained became extinct because of fighting between themselves, disagreeing over the correct place to wear the kilt.
Today, all that remains is this fine specimen, which is on display at the Drumnadrochit Museum Of Scotch Natural History. And of course, at the National Gallery in Edinburgh, you can see Sir Edwin Landseer's magnificent painting of a Saintaurr in his prime, The Dobbin Of The Glen.
А вот так себе пост, не особенно смешной. Но коммент!..
Mhari MacArachnia of Aran, spinning spiderwebs for the Battle of Bannockburn for Robert the Bruce, so that he can trap the English. The original spider had, after 3 attempts been pretty buggered and unable to continue so King Robert had to make do with artificial spider silk to help him defeat the English. Pictured with his back to the camera, most likely as it had not been invented yet, is Mhari's oldest boy Hay, waiting for his dinner of mashed neeps and seal meat.
Из комментариев:
On the left you can see a time portal. When the light flashes it is in operation and a famous scottish time traveller appears. He became known as Dr. HOW, because when he appeared people would remark ….. you shudnae be here….. to which he would reply HOW ? (Scottish for why). It also interesting to note that the buildings containing these time portals were name after a famous actor called David Tenement.
("Его называют "Доктор Чо", потому что когда его спрашивают "Хули ты приперся?", он всегда отвечает: "А чо?" Интересно также, что здания, в которых находятся такие порталы, называются "тенемент" в честь знаменитого актера...")
(TARDIS is total absolute rubbish dreich in Scotland and refers to the weather.)
Или вот такое:
An artists impression of Hadrian's wall before the weather got to it and the Romans left. Many of us takes some kind of strange pride in the fact that the Romans were more or less obliged to build this wall to help protect their land, people and livestock from our ancient ancestors. However, it is undoubtably the whole reason our roads are just sh*te. Without labouring the point Romans built an infrastucture south of the border that is pretty much in still in use today.........and we have......... the A9. Even in the artists impression, there are well travelled and well maintained pathways on the south side but on the north, well there is a ditch, some tracks and what appears to be a dried up river bed. Speak about missed opportunities. Oh well, never mind, we still have our pride.
Короче, "У нас кладут асфальт местами и немного, чтоб всякий оккупант на подступах застрял".
The latest Kelpie has taken some criticism for not being quite in keeping with the other two.
The carvings on Ben Macdui are not well known as the locals destroyed them before they were completed to keep tourists away. This photo is one of the few remaining pictures of the carvings in progress. The faces seen here are Alexander Fleming, Robert Burns, Ewan McGregor, and David Tennant. The faces of Robert the Bruce and Fern Brady were never started.
Ну, и конечно, о большой любви к англичанам:
A9 Perth to Inverness trunk road closed for six months whilst new sewer pipe installed to transfer sewage from the NW500 to the River Thames, to be discharged opposite the Houses of Parliament.
Из комментов:
Now that's just ridiculous! The House of Commons is quite capable of generating as much sewage as the Thames can handle.
Одна из особенностей этой группы - то, что практически весь юмор там текстовый. Взять картинку - не обязательно смешную, можно вот эту, - и придумать развесистый прогон. А потом еще до кучи накидать несколько комментов, которые иной раз смешнее самого текста.
A lot of people don't know this, but the gloves you buy in the shops are ALL grown naturally on wooden gates and fences in Scotland. They're actually an extremely rare type of mushroom which grows exclusively in Scotland's climate, which turn into a cloth texture when mature. The various colours and patterns depend on what type of wood they develop on, and the different sizes are grown in assorted areas. The smaller gloves are grown further north and the larger ones nearer the Borders. The ones pictured are Perthshire Gloves, known for their colour and slightly worn appearance.
Или вот так:
This is the most complete surviving skeleton of a race of fierce creatures which once roamed freely in the Scottish Highlands, known as the Saintaurrs.
Legend has it they were descended from a Scotchman named Hippo McFetlock, who was banished from his clan for questionable behaviour and went to live in the hills with his trusty mare, Mons Meg.
Whatever the truth of their origin, they lived amongst the bonny banks and braes for centuries, until their numbers sadly declined in the 1700's. This was partly due to habitat loss, but also hunting, owing to a short-lived Papal edict mistakenly classifying them as fish and therefore able to be eaten on Fridays.
Eventually the few who remained became extinct because of fighting between themselves, disagreeing over the correct place to wear the kilt.
Today, all that remains is this fine specimen, which is on display at the Drumnadrochit Museum Of Scotch Natural History. And of course, at the National Gallery in Edinburgh, you can see Sir Edwin Landseer's magnificent painting of a Saintaurr in his prime, The Dobbin Of The Glen.
А вот так себе пост, не особенно смешной. Но коммент!..
Mhari MacArachnia of Aran, spinning spiderwebs for the Battle of Bannockburn for Robert the Bruce, so that he can trap the English. The original spider had, after 3 attempts been pretty buggered and unable to continue so King Robert had to make do with artificial spider silk to help him defeat the English. Pictured with his back to the camera, most likely as it had not been invented yet, is Mhari's oldest boy Hay, waiting for his dinner of mashed neeps and seal meat.
Из комментариев:
On the left you can see a time portal. When the light flashes it is in operation and a famous scottish time traveller appears. He became known as Dr. HOW, because when he appeared people would remark ….. you shudnae be here….. to which he would reply HOW ? (Scottish for why). It also interesting to note that the buildings containing these time portals were name after a famous actor called David Tenement.
("Его называют "Доктор Чо", потому что когда его спрашивают "Хули ты приперся?", он всегда отвечает: "А чо?" Интересно также, что здания, в которых находятся такие порталы, называются "тенемент" в честь знаменитого актера...")
(TARDIS is total absolute rubbish dreich in Scotland and refers to the weather.)
Или вот такое:
An artists impression of Hadrian's wall before the weather got to it and the Romans left. Many of us takes some kind of strange pride in the fact that the Romans were more or less obliged to build this wall to help protect their land, people and livestock from our ancient ancestors. However, it is undoubtably the whole reason our roads are just sh*te. Without labouring the point Romans built an infrastucture south of the border that is pretty much in still in use today.........and we have......... the A9. Even in the artists impression, there are well travelled and well maintained pathways on the south side but on the north, well there is a ditch, some tracks and what appears to be a dried up river bed. Speak about missed opportunities. Oh well, never mind, we still have our pride.
Короче, "У нас кладут асфальт местами и немного, чтоб всякий оккупант на подступах застрял".
The latest Kelpie has taken some criticism for not being quite in keeping with the other two.
The carvings on Ben Macdui are not well known as the locals destroyed them before they were completed to keep tourists away. This photo is one of the few remaining pictures of the carvings in progress. The faces seen here are Alexander Fleming, Robert Burns, Ewan McGregor, and David Tennant. The faces of Robert the Bruce and Fern Brady were never started.
Ну, и конечно, о большой любви к англичанам:
A9 Perth to Inverness trunk road closed for six months whilst new sewer pipe installed to transfer sewage from the NW500 to the River Thames, to be discharged opposite the Houses of Parliament.
Из комментов:
Now that's just ridiculous! The House of Commons is quite capable of generating as much sewage as the Thames can handle.
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no subject
Date: 2023-12-21 09:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-21 09:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-21 11:20 am (UTC)меж тем, это реальное название деревни около лох-несса https://www.visitscotland.com/info/towns-villages/drumnadrochit-p236681 (https://www.visitscotland.com/info/towns-villages/drumnadrochit-p236681)
no subject
Date: 2023-12-21 07:04 pm (UTC)Как бы их на русский перевести? Килтавры, может быть?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-23 07:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-23 11:42 pm (UTC)> A lot of people don't know this, but the gloves you buy in the shops are ALL grown naturally on wooden gates and fences in Scotland.
Лет дцать назад мне надо было отвадить потенциальных тёщу и тестя... В суши ресторане, заказав сакэ, начал втирать историю про "вот вы наверняка знаете что французские вина это про провинцию, коньяк тем более, но вряд ли что такое же можно рассказать про сакэ... и разняться они в основном из-за ферментации... Видите ли, на побережье или в горах люди питались по разному и к пожилому возрасту старухи, а именно их нанимали на работу пережёвывать рис т.к. они больше ни на что не годились, обладали ... Как?! Вы не знали что сакэ это не про спирт, а про ферментирование?!" ну и т.д.
Спустя много лет я случайно узнал, что наврал я тогда совсем не 100%. До сих пор ржу, вспоминая.