kot_kam | "Рыцари, которые говорят "Э-э..."

Из фейсбучной рассылки "Фанаты "Монти-Пайтонов". Пофиг, Эй-Ай это писал, или человек, или Эй-Ай написал, а человек отредактировал - но это прекрасно!

Monty Python Fans
Mark Judd
3 hours ago

Seriously, I just asked Chat GPT to write a story in the style of Monty Python and this is what it returned in about 5 seconds:

The Knights Who Say ‘Errr’

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a kingdom in turmoil. Not the usual turmoil of dragons or marauding invaders, but a far more pressing issue: a complete and utter lack of proper punctuation. The people of the kingdom were beginning to write things like, “The king went to the castle and sat down and ate lunch and then had a nap and the princess was there and… well, you get the idea.” The kingdom’s scholars were in uproar. The grammarians were revolting. The comma-ists were in exile.

Enter Sir Reginald the Punctuator, a valiant knight who had, on more than one occasion, been known to single-handedly correct an entire page of medieval manuscript with a mere quill and an unhealthy amount of ink. He had devoted his life to the noble cause of preserving punctuation in all its glory.

“By the sacred semicolon!” Sir Reginald cried one fateful afternoon, “I shall gather a band of knights and restore order to the kingdom’s prose! For no more shall we suffer the pain of run-on sentences and misplaced apostrophes!”

And so, he set off on his quest to assemble a fellowship of grammar enthusiasts, a group so dedicated to punctuation that they would brave the fiery depths of misused ellipses and the treacherous hills of subject-verb disagreement.

The first knight he sought was Sir Blunder, a former schoolteacher who had once been caught correcting the spelling of “ketchup” at a royal feast. He found Sir Blunder in the tavern, drowning his sorrows in a pint of “ale,” which, to no one’s surprise, had the word “ale” misspelled on the barrel.

“Sir Blunder!” Sir Reginald cried, “I need you for a most noble cause. We must save the kingdom from the perils of bad grammar! Will you join me?”

“Grammar?” Sir Blunder muttered, looking at the word “ale” suspiciously. “I suppose I can, but only if you promise to fix my most tragic of mistakes. I once told the Queen her crown was ‘completely irrelative.’ I still wake up in cold sweats.”

With Sir Blunder now on board, they ventured to the castle, where they hoped to recruit their final member: the mysterious, reclusive Knight of the Apostrophe.

“Sir Reginald!” called a voice from behind them. It was a messenger, panting and clutching a letter.

“We have news!” he announced breathlessly. “The King has summoned all knights to the royal castle! It seems there is a growing problem with…”

The messenger paused dramatically.

“…the misuse of the word ‘literally!’”

Sir Reginald’s eyes narrowed. This was indeed a grave matter. “Let us go at once!” he cried.

And so, the three knights, along with their loyal squire, who was quite fond of semicolons, made their way to the royal castle. But as they neared the gates, they were stopped by a peculiar sight: a group of cloaked figures stood before them.

“Ah, I see we’ve found them,” Sir Blunder whispered. “The Knights Who Say ‘Errr.’”

“They are a dreadful bunch,” Sir Reginald muttered darkly. “They seek to destroy all clarity in writing. They roam the land, leaving behind fragmented sentences and unnecessary ellipses.”

A tall figure stepped forward, holding a large banner that read: “JOIN US, OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR TENSES!”

“I am the Knight of the Errr,” the figure intoned ominously. “And we… we are the Knights Who Say ‘Errr.’”

“We demand a sacrifice!” they cried in unison, “A word, a sentence, something… vague!”

“You want a sacrifice of words?” Sir Reginald said incredulously. “You must be mad! I’d rather die than be caught in one of your ambiguous clauses!”

“You WILL join us,” the Knight of the Errr declared, “Or we shall… we shall make you end every sentence with an ellipsis…”

“Never!” Sir Reginald shouted, drawing his sword. “I’d rather face an army of misplaced modifiers than be subjected to such an atrocious fate!”

At that moment, the wind shifted, and the sound of distant music filled the air. Sir Reginald, Sir Blunder, and their squire turned to see the Knight of the Apostrophe, galloping toward them on horseback, with a giant, gold-plated apostrophe hanging from his belt.

“I’ve come to end this madness!” the Knight of the Apostrophe boomed. “For the sacred rules of grammar cannot be broken, and neither can your incessant misplacement of commas!”

A great battle ensued, punctuated by fierce swordplay and even fiercer debates about the Oxford comma. At one point, Sir Blunder was nearly hit by a flying quotation mark, but he ducked just in time, crying out, “No one can defeat me, for I am the King of Parentheses!”

Finally, after much clashing of swords and philosophical discussion about whether “literally” should ever be used ironically, the Knights Who Say ‘Errr’ were defeated.

“And now, we must clean up the mess you’ve made,” Sir Reginald said, shaking his head in disappointment.

As they marched back to the castle, Sir Reginald sighed. “We have saved the kingdom today, but at what cost? The knights were defeated, but the misuse of ‘literally’ will haunt us forever.”

“But it was worth it,” Sir Blunder said, “To see the kingdom united under proper punctuation once again.”

“And we’ll never forget,” the squire said, with a solemn look. “The day we met the Knights Who Say ‘Errr.’”

“Indeed,” Sir Reginald said, “Let this be a warning: Never, ever let your sentences go unchecked… or you might find yourself in the middle of a grammatically incorrect revolution.”

And they all lived punctually ever after.

The End.